Maverick's Endless Jokes
Here are some of the jokes
that I have for you to laugh, coz laughter is the best medicine after all isn't it?
Some are good , so are just
ok. I hope you enjoy them & if you know of any good ones send them
to me. I will put in in this page for everyone to laugh along...So
start laughing now.
Smart
One
night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New
Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan,Bill
Gates,the Dalai Lama, and a hippie.
Suddenly,
an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment,
and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened,
and the pilot burst into the compartment. "Gentlemen," he began, "I have
good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New
Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one
of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the
plane.
Michael
Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's
greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest
athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the
remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.
Bill
Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world
needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have a parachute,
too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped. The Dalai Lama and the hippie
looked at one another.
Finally,
the Dalai Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life
and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead
of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane." The hippie
smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, pop. The world's smartest man
just jumped out wearing my backpack."
A TRUE STORY FROM ORANGE COUNTY
A
man has too much to drink at a party. His friends offer to drive him home,
but he says no--he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from the party,
the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car
and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a call
for a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell
him to stay put; they will be right back--and they ran down the street
to the robbery.
After
a few minutes, the man decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells
his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking
for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.
A
few hours later, the police knock on the door. They ask if a Mr. X lives
there, and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that
he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day. The police ask to see
his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them
to the garage and opens the door--where they find the police car, lights
still flashing.
Ship
Wrecked
A
hurricane came unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost. This man
found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people,
no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. Used to 5-star hotels,
this guy had no idea what to do, so for the next four months he ate bananas,
drank coconut juice and longed for his old life and fixed his gaze on the
sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship.
One
day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of The corner
of his eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous woman he
had ever seen. She rowed up to him.
In
disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I
rowed from the other side of the island," she said, "I landed here when
my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing,"
he said. "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many are there? You
were lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."
"It's
only me," she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up; nothing did."
He
was confused. "Then how did you get the rowboat?"
"Oh,
simple," replied the woman. "I made the rowboat out of materials that I
found on the island. The oars were whittled from Gum tree branches. I wove
the bottom from palm branches and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus
tree."
"B-B-But
that's impossible," stuttered the man. "You had no tools or hardware. How
did you manage?"
"Oh,
that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the other side of the island
there is a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock exposed. I found that
if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable
ductile iron. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the hardware.
But
enough of that," she said. "Where do you live?" Sheepishly, he confessed
that he had been sleeping on the beach the whole time.
"Well,
let's row over to my place, then," she said.
After
a few minutes of rowing she docked the boat at a small wharf. As the man
looked to the shore he nearly fell out of the boat. Before him was a stone
walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While
the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man
could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. As they walked into the house, she
said casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please; would
you like a drink?"
"No,
no thank you," he said, still dazed. "I can't take any more coconut juice."
"It's
not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a still. How about a Pina
Colada?" Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down
on her couch to talk.
After
they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, "I'm going to slip
into something comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave?
There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."
No
longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in the
cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow
ground edge were fastened onto it's end inside a swivel mechanism.
"This
woman is amazing," he mused. "What next?"
When
he returned, she greeted him wearing nothing but vines - strategically
positioned - and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckoned for him to
sit down next to her.
"Tell
me," she began, suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've been out
here for a very long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure
you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for
all these months. You know..." She stared into his eyes.
He
couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You mean...?" he replied, "I can
check my e-mail from here?"
Please
E-mail me at [email protected] if you have any good jokes or quote.
Please
come back soon and visit me...
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